i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
