Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
