Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
