booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
