Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
