And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
