bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
