how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you will always have a special place in my vag
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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