Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i think i just lost a toe
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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