a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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