I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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