the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
