I CAN MOONWALK!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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