If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
