Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
