The best revenge is premature balding
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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