sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
