id be glad to
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
