DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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