i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
