I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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