She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
