Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
