I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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