She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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