she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
