Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
