So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
