I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
