end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You did what with his pubic hair?
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