I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
