4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
