guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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