Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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