i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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