someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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