That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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