If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
