Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.

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  (952): He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened. http://tfl.nu/wacr
  Replies (28) Good night (2944) Bad night (2047)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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  (417): I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous. http://tfl.nu/gmif
  Replies (32) Good night (4162) Bad night (674)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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  (703): i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps http://tfl.nu/14e5
  Replies (24) Good night (1511) Bad night (8350)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures

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  (404): best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures http://tfl.nu/m84y
  Replies (28) Good night (3654) Bad night (911)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (2342) Bad night (5824)
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  (212): View more from New York

  It's never good when you wake up covered with burns

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  (212): It's never good when you wake up covered with burns http://tfl.nu/8fkk
  Replies (15) Good night (770) Bad night (3987)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

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  (775): she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward http://tfl.nu/zi7g
  Replies (10) Good night (5881) Bad night (1354)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.

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  (914): Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive. http://tfl.nu/oqgn
  Replies (18) Good night (2203) Bad night (2370)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

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  (303): He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts. http://tfl.nu/jof7
  Replies (8) Good night (1112) Bad night (1830)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69

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  (610): But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69 http://tfl.nu/zybq
  Replies (11) Good night (1324) Bad night (670)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.

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  (309): We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously. http://tfl.nu/aavt
  Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (496)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.

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  (601): I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8ven
  Replies (3) Good night (509) Bad night (334)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.

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  (440): he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received. (440): he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick. http://tfl.nu/0dsn
  Replies (10) Good night (1267) Bad night (363)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store

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  (407): If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store http://tfl.nu/imig
  Replies (7) Good night (1654) Bad night (314)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD

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  (928): HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD http://tfl.nu/9xyp
  Replies (6) Good night (228) Bad night (409)

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