Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.

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  (810): Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time. http://tfl.nu/rbpy
  Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (2089)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

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  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (26) Good night (6407) Bad night (1046)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name

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  (860): so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name http://tfl.nu/f3l4
  Replies (26) Good night (796) Bad night (8605)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (9301) Bad night (4161)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5676) Bad night (1031)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.

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  (773): What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this. http://tfl.nu/0oyt
  Replies (12) Good night (2266) Bad night (964)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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  (214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1681) Bad night (946)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.

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  (802): If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care. http://tfl.nu/zmsa
  Replies (11) Good night (1105) Bad night (1891)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.

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  (520): There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this. http://tfl.nu/ttw7
  Replies (3) Good night (1450) Bad night (810)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!

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  (253): When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?! http://tfl.nu/f0hc
  Replies (12) Good night (575) Bad night (1643)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.

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  (918): I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand. http://tfl.nu/relm
  Replies (6) Good night (1116) Bad night (561)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You texted me a picture of your face along with #help

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  (410): You texted me a picture of your face along with #help http://tfl.nu/jxdb
  Replies (2) Good night (769) Bad night (403)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!

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  (616): i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!! (1-616): BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!! http://tfl.nu/gsty
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (732)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.

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  (202): She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family. http://tfl.nu/nmso
  Replies (4) Good night (881) Bad night (553)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.

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  (403): It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this. http://tfl.nu/72jz
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (245)

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