So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING