So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
