What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!