I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.