I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.