I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
