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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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