Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
