there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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