Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
