Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Randomize
