Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
