You're my little dorito
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
