I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
