I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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