I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
