I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
