we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
