Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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