Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
