I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
