Non-Jews are for practice
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
