I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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