That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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