is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
