That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
