Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
