stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
