and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
