you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
