This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
