when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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