Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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