The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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