The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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